Stop Feeling Guilty

Another pieced shared by Martin Jalleh

STOP BEING A PLEASER!

Rev Fr Henri Nouwen

“For as long as you can remember,

you have been a pleaser,

depending on others to give you an identity.

You need not look at that

only in a negative way.

You wanted to give your heart to others,

and you did so quickly and easily.

But now you are being asked to

let go of all these self-made props

and trust that God is enough for you.

You must stop being a pleaser and

reclaim your identity as a free self.”

Below are my thoughts and not the continuation of the above =)

Yes we got to stop pleasing everyone. We are nice and kind and generally good, so we do not need others to make us feel that way. And stop feeling guilty if we dislike something or when we are unable to be kind or nice . Sometimes, not everyone click with everyone. I think by ignoring or have less contact is being nice already. We need to be happy and not force ourselves to please others when we can't. I hope I am making sense.

Good night world~

Awakening part 1

I have  many things to enter in this journal but I am too stressed at the moment, Came across this note in Facebook, posted by Martin Jalleh, Awakenings..very meaningful....something we tried to apply in our lives, but definitely not easy...

THE AWAKENING

By Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it... When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out- ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new prospective.

This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you.

Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance. So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow."

You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime.

And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:  how you should look and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop; where you should live or what type of car your should drive;  how you should behave; who you should marry and why you should stay;  the importance of having children or what you owe your family.

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view.  And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10" Or a perfect human being for that matter.

So you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.

Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.  And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by.

Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with;  things  that millions of people upon the face of  the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed and the freedom to pursue your own  dreams.

 And then you begin to love and to care for yourself.  You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors including participating in dysfunctional relationships.

You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest.

And just as  food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for  the spirit and so you  make it a point to create time for play.

wait for part two =), happy "digesting" =)

Hi handsome, My name is Rose

Something worth reading shared my an awesome and inspiring man who have thought and shown me so much about life, Martin Jalleh!


“HI HANDSOME, MY NAME IS ROSE…!”
(Unknown Author)


The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.


She said, 'Hi handsome. My name is Rose . I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?' I laughed and enthusiastically responded, 'Of course you may!' and she gave me a giant squeeze.


'Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?' I asked. She jokingly replied, 'I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids . . '


'No seriously,' I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. 'I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!' she told me.


After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this 'time machine' as she shared her wisdom and experience with me .


Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.


At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.


Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, 'I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know. '


As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, ' We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.


There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.


We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!


There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.


If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.


Anybody! Can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.


The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do . The only people who fear death are those with regrets. '


She concluded her speech by courageously singing 'The Rose. '


She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those months ago.


One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.


Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.


When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they'll really enjoy it!
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.


REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.


We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.


God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.


If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.


'Good friends are like stars . . . . . . . . . . You don't always see them, but you know they are always there. '

Wow!

Netball! Netball! Netball! I have not play or seen a netball match since I am in primary 6! And today despite being the only Asian in the court, I witnessed a fast, exhilarating and exciting netball match of  both of my housemates teams, The black ninjas Vs the lord of the netball ring! Although The black ninja lost, 18 – 27, but it was still a good game! Everyone in the team was so fast and jump like they have spring on their feet! It was amazing. I should have watched the match earlier! And I was the person scoring the game..well did one mistake in the counting though. I don’t know if the referee was thinking I am having some difficulty or feeling awkard there since I am the only Asian, but he seemed to be reassuring me that everything is fine. Even when I made a mistake, it was like he was worried that I will feel bad or maybe he thought that I am not that smart…but I am sure it was the former. Well, somehow he figured that I am a Malaysian when he heard my name. Another interesting fact , maybe not as interesting but this is the first time I saw boys in a team playing netball. So stop the stereotype that net ball is mainly for women! Anyone could play that. Guess what ran in my thoughts when I saw one fun sized guy jumping around like he has spring under his shoes, I thought of Keith Foo and Wai hin! Remembered how they always jump around in games like futsal and badminton! The netball finals will be in 2 weeks time and next plan is to get the whole of unit 81 to support Fiona and Kate in action!! I will be FUN!

Another exciting news as I was browsing through FB! One of my primary school mates is getting married!!!! And the best past is, she is marrying her first love!!! That is so sweet isn’t it. And to marry my first love is  WAS my dream.But it is not going to happen, since I got dumped broke up with a supposedly nice guy  do not want to be stuck in a marriage, responsibility and commitment...neh..not now. I think I am going to end up being a dog lady ( instead of cat woman, you know how they called those spinsters, cat women, coz they have so many cats as their family). At this moment, I have so many reasons to choose dog over man! Dogs are faithful, loyal, won't make me feel like a trash, won't make my life complicated and the best thing, they know how to make me happy! DOGS are called man's best friend for a reason. Truth to be told, I am a little jealous that some can have long lasting first love, the first and the last, I hope I can tell the world, few years back. I admit I miss intimacy at times, but I still want my freedom than being tied down, unless a guy came into my life and share my vision and passion and have beautiful eyes and smile and make me feel comfortable of being who I am, then it would be a different story. * doubting the existence of such perfect guy* If in 20 years, I am still single, I will have my BGF, Kok Pei staying next to me with a Galapagos tortoise ( if he is single) or a good loving BF! 

At this moment this song is stuck in my head! 

Sometimes

Sometimes I am so full of myself that I have forgotten the needs and presence of others.
But sometimes I am not myself and pretend to be someone else.
Sometimes I am so mad at someone  that I even dreamt of scolding that person 2 nights in a row.
Sometimes I get so caught up in dreamland that I stop myself from waking up to reality.
Sometimes I wonder why that someone kept appearing in my dreams and all I felt was annoyance and anger towards him.
Sometimes I wonder why people act the way they do.
Sometimes I wonder why I am so annoyed by "that girl".
Sometimes I expect too much.
Sometimes I feel like I am invisible which is kind of sad.
Sometimes I question the things I do and my choices.
Sometimes I wonder should I be like someone else, or what if I am someone else, would I do that?
Sometimes, just sometimes I wish I would stop wondering and ask What if so that I would make life less complicated!

Brain, Please not make life as complicated as the board......

Yesterday

I felt that dark clouds have been above me everywhere I go. Yesterday was the first day after 3 weeks that I went to the Goodwood Primary School for my LAP placement. And after 3 weeks of the break, I sort of forget the route there, hence made a mistake! I took the right bus this time but got down at the wrong stop. Pressed the bell a little too early and resulted in walking for 15 minutes to the school. The walk will be enjoyable if it was not raining. Just as M and I stepped out of the bus and started walking, simultaneously the clouds decide to pour and it was  raining heavier with larger droplets! And as we reach the school, under a roof, it stopped raining! Gosh! It was raining when I landed in Melbourne and the same when  I stepped into Tazmania and now when I decide to go out of my unit! Let's hope  I will bring the rain back when I stepped into good old soil of Malaysia. If that happens, everyone call me the Rain-God! 

Anyhow, I went to China Town in the city to do some grocery shopping. Bought vege, cheese, meat and rice 1kg. I just realised that I could not finish 1 kg of rice in 2  1/2 months! Amazing! Another wonderful awesome bargain purchase I bought myself a perfume! The only perfume I wanted for sometime, Davidoff Cool Water for Woman from Chemist warehouse! It was only $23.  It smells perfect! 

Cool Water is finally mine =)

Talking about eyes previously, I have been noticing many blueish grey irises around me yesterday. It felt like half of my wish came through when I mentioned in the previous post that I am in search of a pair of blue eyes Unfortunately, the pair of blue eyes did not come with the right gender or right looks. =s I wish I could see a handsome and sexy guy like Damon with those blue eyes! Got to be precise with what I wish for! I doubt this would happen to me though....

When plans did not work!

Alright, I have just made my pledge 2 days ago to start studying, stop Damon-ing and be update my blog. But it doesn't seemed to be working! I have finished season 2 of Vampire Dairies without the episode 6 and episode 11. Finally waiting for the season finale episode. It was saddening to see so many people killed in episode 21 just to keep their loved ones alive. Lucky Elena, so many people is willing to die for her. There is so much about strong friendship bonds portrayed in the show.I am sure I would do the same to protect my family but I am not sure if I am ready to sacrifice myself for friendship, maybe I will depending who they are. It is pretty hard to identify those who are worth it. It just gets harder. With trust as an issue and being cynical the other, it is pretty challenging to allow myself to love and talk about issues which are bothering me. Luck me that there are a few close friends who are willing to listen, even so I am not sure I want to pour out my emotions and thoughts. I have always been listening what others have to say, share and I question myself when will be the time I decide to let others listen to me. Part of me doubt that people would want to listen and past of me question, does it even matter to talk about it?Talking about trust, I am in a situation where by I am not allowing myself to trust the person I am spending most of my time with. There is always doubt or perhaps it is expectation towards her reaction and response towards certain things? I am not even sure. I just notice the annoyance in me with the way she is reacting and behaving. Maybe I am not allowing myself to accept the person she is. But I rather take it as we do not click. It was thoughtful of her to offer her assistance but that was not enough. I still do not trust her! Ah well, we just do not click! However, I am sure that her existence in my life and being here with me has her purpose. Afterall, isn't everyone in our life has a purpose? Just waiting for the final product of what I allowed her to turn me to. So much for trust and friend's issue.But life goes on!And right now! Am in a mission to look for those mesmerizing grey/blue eyes, not contact lenses, those of Damon Salvatore. Yes! I am another victim of the craze of Vampire Diaries Damon. We need a little fantasy to make life more exciting, not? So tonight let this good-evil vampire with a wink that kills Damon Salvatore to be in my dreams. =)

Plenty of assignments and journals waiting for me to write and read and yawn at understand! Plan for tomorrow, sit in the library and read through some journals and start writing my summary of 1000 words? Let's hope my plans work out. Please "me" make my life easier!