And now she have him, the one i lovED...

Thank you for telling me...

I am in pain, but this just shows I am healing...no old wounds anymore...

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

T.R.U.S.T

R.E.L.I.A.B.L.E

L.O.V.E

C.A.R.E

You all seem very distant to me.....I am leaving yet another group where I don't belong anymore..my job is done...

I will burn out soon, thinking of you too much..

I am hanging on though my heart had enough,

I am not sure if I am able to give more to you coz I had given up on you.

I know I am still running in circles around you. And I will assure you that it will stop soon. Real soon, because the circle is getting bigger around you and the radius between us is constantly increasing in length..

Just soon enough, when the length is too long, I no longer feel you, as my role is slowly taken over by her.

All over again for the 100th + time...

Love...so many different definitions, so much happiness, so much pain,

I wonder did it occur to anyone that love is the illusion of the heart and mind?

Love, because of this four letter word, I am falling back again, little by little into the terrible mess, I once pull out... I miss you so much and wanting you to be by me more, yearning hard for the memories and sparks to come alive all over again....till today, I can't listen to songs we once listen, I can't hear you talk about your coursemates and new fews without feeling worried that someone will attract you and you will be gone for good. This whole thing call feeling for you and jealousy is full of crap, making me feel like crap!

Looking at you makes me want you back, as a close friend at least, at least the corner of my heart and mind will feel glad that there is a chance...this feels bad, being haunt by the past of you..

I agree that in a relationship sometimes there is the "reacher" and the settler". I think I used to be the stettler, settling for him while he is the "reacher", reaching for me. But now, vice versa role, not really vice versa, more of I am reaching for him hard, but he is not settling for me...funny isn't it....this thing call relationship...haha..

I am no longer reaching for you now, coz you no longer have me in your sight what more your heart...

Wow! today, I finally broke down looking at those pictures we took together..

Suddenly, all the memories I had with you came flashing in my head,we were happy and sad...

I miss you so much, the you back then, the other side of you...Just one trigger and everything comes flowing back, but this time I think I know why, I miss having someone to look after me like you did, I miss a lot of things....I have tried...This place just gives me triggers to my suppressed memories much to often, but the improvement was I regain my rational-self much faster than before and stop myself from missing the past to much and stuck there...I really don't like that feeling, reminiscing the past when I go anywhere and look at anything..the feeling is terrible!!!!At time I wish I could just wash away all the history and past memories, and not feel the uneasiness and little pinch in the heart..I wish he won't treat me as his ex...haha..who am I kidding? the feelings don't go off easily.Promises can be broken and forgotten easily, but not feelings...well, jsut got to stop myself from falling into this huge mess, falling over for Mr. CrushEx..there is no such thing, either a new guy or just i have not gotten over him!so My dear, wake up and run before you (myself) get hurt!!!

Maybe today, realizing that things would not work out between us all over again is good, perfect

Maybe today, you would be able to talk to me like I was not your ex but a close friend is good and will happen...

I am trying my luck now..I wanna be your close friend, but I don't want to be your lover...

And I won't want to take a lifetime to forget you as my lover....

I hate it when someone is able to tell that things have not been good...but I do miss it when the right person pulls me back and tell me I am not ok...even when I said i am fine...and I missed out on that right person 6 months ago..no worries, another 2 years the right one will come again...

Love and attraction are just a sudden surge of oxytoxin in the brain, and all of us got fooled..

The worst feeling ever has taken control over me...

I feel vulnerable....

I feel stupid..

It looks like every sadness I have ever had came back all at once....

I feel dumb,...

For so many choices I made...

Just pure vulnerable at the moment...

I do want you in my life, everyone of you..

But I am feeling detach from you.....

It took me 2 days to realize that you did not care as much about me since then, how silly of me to be attracted to you all over again....

"Some things can’t and shouldn’t be fixed, especially broken relationships. It’s over for a reason. deep down inside, you probably know what that reason is. A lot of the pain you’re experiencing is actually fear - fear of things being different, fear of never finding love again, fear of being alone, fear of falling for someone again, and getting hurt again. We are all afraid of the unknown. The unknown can be a scary thing, and sometimes it will cause you more pain, but other times, the unknown will turn out to be better than you could’ve ever imagined. You’ve just got to give it a chance."

Till I find someone else to miss and worth my heart again, I will always think about you...

I wish everyone out there a very happy valentine's day& happy Chinese new year..

I want my love ones, my family, best friends, close friends and those who have touched my heart and leave foot prints to know that I love you all!!!!

But most of all I think I wanna let you know that I still love you-I'm still figuring out

LILY AND MARSHALL~

Secretly I wish we would be like them one day...

I am happy almost all the time,

If i let myself be happy..

Then I realise I was really happy when I have you,

I,however still think it was a good breakup,

But I cannot stop wondering if we will be together again,

Coz I realise I fall in love with you all over again..

I feel like a teenager dreaming of her crush all over again...

But I got to remind myself that I am not a teenager anymore, and you are not just a crush....

Just take me anywhere away from ARTIC and PHONOLOGY!

but seriously, take me with you.....

take me to some place new.....

" I think about him alot.you know how it is...and I wonder if he still thinks about me. And if he does, is it the same?"- one tree hill

You are still the person I wanna share my happiness and excitement with, stress and problems, but I am keeping it all to myself now, afraid it is all single-sided..

Oh, I am confused...

Am I into you all over again...

Or it is just that the feelings have not gone..

"Human beings are funny. They long to be with the person they love but refuse to admit openly. Some are afraid to show even the slightest sign of affection because of fear. Fear that their feelings may not be recognized, or even worst, returned. But one thing about human beings puzzles me the most is their conscious effort to be connected with the object of their affection even if it kills them slowly within"-Sigmund Freud

"As hard as it was to move on, I think I’m okay with how we are. At some point, we both wish we didn’t ignore each other like that. I’ll be forgiving you, just like you were forgiving me. People make mistakes, second chances are okay. It’s like a weight has just been lifted, I can finally breathe and not worry about what he will say, or when he would finally stopped ignoring me. Because now I no longer care; he doesn’t concern me anymore. I just wonder if he’ll come back to me, wishing he had never screwed things up"

You ever heard the expression ‘the best things in life are free’? Well, that expression is true. Every once in awhile, people step up and rise above themselves. Sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes, it can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of songs and in the eyes of someone you love and if you’re lucky - if you’re the luckiest person this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back- one tree hill

I surely hope I will become wiser,

Hopefully I can score well in my upcoming papers

with less carelessness...

Many Mistakes I have done, I hope I will not repeat them, coz wise people won't repeat them..

Guess I am enjoying too much....

So when will I learn to stop making careless mistakes,

When will I learn to stop repeating the same mistakes,

When will I learn that everyday is a positive day,

Rather than I am numb

towards all the mistakes and last minutes work...

Sit and wait, I shall

But please don't be too long....

Times changes everything,

Yes it does, and I am all heal now,

But they say my eyes glittered when I told them about you,

Perhaps my pupils still dilate when I see you now.

Good thing is, your actions do not effect my emotions anymore =)

I told you I really did love you, or perhaps loving you all over again. Is it possible for someone to fall in love all over again? or after 6 months, this is the residual love being ignited again, or I have never let you go before?

As long as I am happy with the way I am, and you are happy, nothing else matters

AGREE....

If you love someone, ask him for nothing. Don’t hold him from his destiny. Don’t keep him from going off in search of his own answers. Don’t ask him for commitment. You will know commitment is real when it is something given willingly, and not as something obligatory. Don’t ask him for promises. If you are patient, if you have faith, you will know in your heart when the right time for promises has come. And when that time arrives, then you will see that you have both lost nothing by setting each other free, and have instead gained a richer, fuller life, a wealth of experiences, and a stronger certainty of your desires.

But should he not return to you, then life hasn’t cheated you because no promises were broken. Your bitterness will not last long, and you will feel thankful and blessed that at the very least, this beautiful soul has colored your life, that knowing him has already made life infinitely more meaningful.

By setting a person free, you run a risk of him not returning. But always remember that you found him beautiful precisely because he was free. People are like sunlight. You can feel their warmth, and their glow, but you can’t hold them in your hand and keep them with you forever. People choose to stay. But a choice is made more meaningful when it is made despite so many other options.

Ala Paredes

PS: To the one who posted this up on Tumblr, THANK YOU =)

No To Relapse!

Weird, I have a tendency to message you again...when I am stress..

Yes you said we are still talking,

but i still miss having the long chats with you when we were only friends,

perhaps that was because you were attracted to me then..

But now, not anymore..

So why am I thinking so much..

Just smile and hang on in the midst of everything..

I made the choice to not relapse

Awaken

I miss those conversations I used to have with you,

So easy, so comfortable...

Wake me up from a dream I once wish was real.

"Breaking up is a two friends going back together as friends"

late updates

I have been missing in a while.

I celebrated my 22nd birthday on 30 Dec 2009 with my coursemates. It was a pleasant surprised and indeed a wonderful way of ending 2009. Who would have thought that I will be celebrating my birthday twice in a year, in a very different situation and context and yet just as happy. It was then I realised that they, my coursemates and other course's friends had always been there for me to cheer me up and make me smile even at the saddest time. Not all of them were there for me but I had to agree that the celebration on 30 Dec 2009 was indeed a very important one for me to reinforce and replenish my broken hopes and turn horrible 2009 to have a prefect happy ending. Since the broke up with my dearest, days had been indeed really had to pass without a thought of him. It would have been tougher if I had to keep it all in me and walk alone. But there were those who constantly made me happy but just listening to be and trying to help me rationalize things and let me cry if I have too, unfortunately to most of them, they have yet to see me cry.Second half of 2009 was indeed another extreme end of a bell curve of emotions in comparison to the beginning of 2009 where I laughed and talked about hopes then.This is what life is and what life had to offer on the year 2009. I am proud to say that I have live life without regrets and the sourness and bitterness that life experiences bring along, I am glad that I have the opportunity to taste them, with them I am able to taste the sweetness that came along, brought by all my friends. Because of this bitterness and pain that I have to face, I dare say good things have come my way as I foster better relationships with my friends, coursemates and found some closers once. The saying "everything happens for a good reason" indeed is proven true in this context. They who have made my year end a super happy ending for me have no idea what it means to me to have ended it in such a way, it turns the saying every dark cloud has a silver lining and there is light at the end of a tunnel into reality for me. I am deeply touched by their actions throughout the half of 2009.A big thank you for those who has been there for me all this while. I love them all.

ELMO my fav, my birthday present

" Cheers to a good end of 2009 despite the rough middle of 2009 =) "