Colour blind at the right time!

The wonder of colours, they make our world exciting, vibrant and beautiful.Colours bring life to dead things, they bring life to our souls and hence the saying "colours of life". Can you imagine the world without colours? How dull will life be? It is pretty hard to imagine isn't it? Everything of the same colour.

The irony is, if the world is differentiating people base on skin colours,discriminating one another, labelling and giving names, just because one is darker than the other or  vice versa. I rather  stay in a world without colours. 

How different are we, aside from our skin colours? We are similiar, aren't we? With eyes, nose, mouth and ears. With a mind and a soul. But why is it that we have to discriminate and segment people into races and skin colour. It is atrocious to see humans condemning each other, just because one is dark  and one is from a different race altogether. What is race?  Isn't race, a word came up by the people based on perception and   to make things easy, meaning research purpose and etc. Today, in our very own country people are still taking race as the utmost and important criteria in providing help. Each wanting to protect own race and looking down on the other. 

Today we are living in a world full with social stereotypes. In Malaysia we hear and absorb stereotypes such as:

Malays : lazy, dependant, horny, polite, friendly

Chinese : Cheaters, sly, loves to gamble, hardworking, smart

Indians : Lazy, loves to drink, dirty, outspoken, warm

 ( what we often hear are the negative ones and I would like to add in the positive)

These are the social stereotypes we often hear of the major races in the country. Of course the indigenous people suffer the same share of stereotypes and even more discriminated in many other areas.But hey, wake up! aren't these characteristics found in each races as well. We can simply switch the race column and these characters applies to, no?

Malays : cheaters, sly, loves to gamble

Chinese : lazy, loves to drink, dirty

Indians: lazy, dependant, horny.

We all all humans, and in every race there is people of the characteristic stated, So why are we calling others names and labeling them. Why are we not befriending the other race thinking our own race is more superior than the other.Who are we to look down on the other when we go back to the basics we are all human after all. Why is there humanity only towards people of the certain race? Why is there status quo for one race after 53 years of  independence, we are still preserving the special rights of one race and providing different treatment towards different races, and even stripe of the rights of certain group of people. Why is there political party based on race and not of people who will protect anyone of any race? Even in universities, we have one race activities and even separate course dinners into one for one race and the other together to with the rest. We still have lecturers who place quota on post in an organisation. A friend (chinese) of mine got stripe of from her post after merely holding for minutes  because the lecturer said this year it should be hold by a different race. Mind you she was chosen by the crowd! So is that call democracy and justice, the two words we proudly and loudly proclaim to have in our system?It is a disgrace!

We are living in a multiracial and multicultural nation. And soon, when inter-racial marriages happens which are already happening, how do you trace your original race, will you ever be single race in this country? It is right to  base solely on the race section written in your mycard, or the child is to follow the father's race? The blood are already mix. So in the end, what is race?Is there still single race? You tell me.

Till today, race is an important aspect in so many things, application for a job,education and etc. And people are still proving that one race is better than the other and one have to protect one's own race from the rest. Chinese, Malay, Indian, Kadazan, Iban, I am tired of all these names(don't get me wrong, I do like these people). Why do we continue letting the racism thoughts pollute our minds and letting the system change our thoughts? I do admit I am guilty of disliking certain race due to the injustice serve to me, but I am making a change to myself. Will you do the same as well, and make us many colours one nation, as Malaysians? And to be proud of what we have today, and our future generation to live in a world with unity and  peace.

"strip away the rituals and you'll see the fundamental similarities. love and compassion underlie the most basic precepts and if we can see that, if we can move beyond, we'll reach that point where I does not exist nor You. Where You see me as You and I see You as me and the idea of this illusionary space between us breaks down"-nandakumar

Pretty Impossible

Everytime I see your face
My heart takes off on a high speed chase
Now don't be scared, it's only love
Baby, that we're falling in

I can't wait to tomorrow
This feeling has swallowed me whole
And know that I've lost control
This heart that I've followed
Has left me so hollow
That was then, this is now, yeah you have changed everything

As I Ponder

As I sat alone and ponder, why can't ex-lovers be friends again? Why sometimes a beautiful friendship can be ruin and there is no respect left for the other. I am only speaking on behalf of myself and taking my story as the case study here. As I was packing my things in my room, I came across things and short messages given by my Ex. He was a good partner to me. Very encouraging, protective, caring and loving.No man is perfect and of course he has his flaws which I learnt to accept them. Recollecting the past, I do remember he being a very nice partner and friend who is always there by my side. But why did everything turn so sour when the relationship ended? Where is the celebration of two friends becoming friends again?No one is at fault when he fall out of love with me.I am not at fault for loving him that much that time. However,till today I find it hard to be friends with him again.words he said was indeed hurtful, but that is what people do when they are trying to protect themselves and their actions, as much as I disagree with them.Why can't I accept him as friends again? Is it really only I do not respect him as much as I do before this or I do not know how to face him? 

I am thankful that we ended our relationship when I heard of his unpleasant deeds ( based solely on my opinion). If I am still his good friend, I would have reacted differently, wouldn't I? I would have stood up for him or try to put some positive input to the stories.I may even try to talk things out with him, and perhaps give a correct him if he was wrong. This could all happen if we choose to remain close friends, but I gave that up, reluctant to take that challenge. Till today, I still could not accept the words he said to me.Each time, when I felt the urge to talk to him, and try to be friends again, there is something holding me back. I didn't like this feeling at all at the same time I know I am not ready to be friends again. All is left to do is wait and see.

At least, there is no anger and sadness towards him anymore. =) And definitely, no more relationship love towards him. The only thing that made me ponder was the quote below and is it really impossible to celebrate two friends becoming friends once again.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love"

Good Things

Someone came along one day, putting the puzzles into place, and showed me good things do happen to those who waited. I have gotten most of my answers from him. Without his knowledge, he took away my guilt of my past broken relationship.He came along, trimming my rough relationship endings and sewed a nice hem-stitch to end it. Not only did he helped me to put a closure to that, he inspired me with his stories and his principles in life. At one point, I felt he shared a little of my values. I am indeed amazed by him in many ways that I could possibly imagine. I was so skeptical about meeting such person and it happened. It has been a very long time since I felt this way about a person of my age. Let's just see if there is a chance for us to get to know each other more. =)

Good things happens to those who waits, and it comes when you least expected it, just like love..

Another transition?

Am I not fitting in anymore?

Am I not flexible to mix with my peers anymore?

Do I look like I am taking too much on the serious issues?

Lately, I cannot seem to have a serious discussion to the issues which are happening around us. Every word I say seem to be me going against the politics or I am disregard as being a fighter to fight for my points. All I do is to to lay out my points and have a fair share of discussion and sharing point of views. Is it wrong? I am not sure, perhaps my mannerism is wrong. I like to have intellectual conversations and discussion and sharing of information on the issues which are happening around us.Don't get me wrong, many things are intellectual to me even emotional issues and relationship/ social issues can be intellectual. Just that too much of the same joke can be a little too much for me to handle. You may ask " why so serious?" I am not that serious all the time, I can laugh and have fun. But when I take certain issues seriously and open up to further discussions and just mainly to share point of views and it is either you take it or leave it, you do not shut me up in a way that I will make me piss of with you. I believe in the freedom of speech and if you do not want to talk anymore or listen you can voice it out. I will accept it. But if you were to tell me what I should say and what I should not, I am sorry, that is up to me to decide. I am upset that people are afraid to speak up and voice out their opinion on certain issues they felt strongly about. 

Just the other day, a friend of mine spoke up Malays today are getting more intellectual, and a friends shared that those who joined the debate team in the university are more liberal and intellectual in their thinking.And I do agreed with it and voiced out that there will be changes in this country for the better, Malays are getting more liberal in their thinking and they are intellectual. Just a behind us were 3 policemen sitting and having their break.  A friend of mine look at me and said becareful with what you are talking, there are 3 malay policemen behind us. I was taken aback by what he said. And I told him, look this is the freedom of speech and I believe in United Nations Declaration of Human Rights, Article 19 ( if i am not mistaken) and all he answered : not everything needs to be said aloud. I agree to what he is trying to being forth but all I do is agreeing the point that Malays are indeed intellectual and getting more liberal, I don't see this as something that can piss anyone.Perhaps I am being a little too sensitive with the whole issue but then I was annoyed. When it comes to issue which stereotype people, eg China people are crazy. I cannot accept that generalization based on a few issue which are blown up by the media.Hence, I for sure will voice out that it is  not right to generalize one person's fault to everyone. I guess not many people can take the way I put my point forward, or I guess I am a little to aggressive ( self-reflecting). It does piss me off at that moment when I was asked to continue talking somewhere else knowing very well that there is noone to talk to at the moment. I am not sure if I manage to portray the whole scenario which pissed me off that day but me being called stubborn and telling me that they have the rights to sleep and so on, indeed add on to my anger. I suppose my patience level was lowered due to PMS and got extra sensitive that day but it did changed a little something in me.I digressed.

My point is I will stop talking to you the moment you show that you are not interested in the issue I would like to discuss. But the moment you  used words I used and issues which I take seriously as a laughing matter to shut me off  or it happens that  I see it that way even if you don't mean to. It will be the end of any discussion of this sort.You may judge me as someone dominant and always wanna win with my points, the truth is I will not take anything during the discussion personal until you tell me what I should say and do and it will get personal and this only apply to certain issues.In general, I am someone who doesn't read much and it pisses me of when sometimes I just asked a certain issue, people jumped into the conclusion on who I am siding when all I wanted was to know about that issue.I am taking this as a transition from teenage conversation topics to more adult like discussions.That again doesn't mean I no longer fool around and joke around, I do and still like doing so. But just a little of the time I prefer to talk on something a little serious.I do apologies to the certain people on my behaviour the other day, i do admit that I do over-react at times. I am coping with the change and constantly self reflecting to change my ways. At the same time, taking everything as a whole new experience in life.

Truth or dare?

This semester break has been a pretty eventful one.Many stories heard, many stories shared. A lot was asked to keep to myself, so you folks out there can guess what kind of stories there were. Hearing too much is not a good thing after all, because to me when the news is something not meant to be shared with others even if it is bothering you, it is something not worth knowing I guess. It seems so hard to keep being neutral, not to be over judgmental, not to judge in the first place and at the same time the information inside the head creates doubts in you. I personally felt that I have heard a little too much this holiday, and I annoyed by certain facts given to another whom I barely know well, but this person seems to have known pretty much about me and my love life. He can tell me what happened chronologically and what was my Ex like. It only gets more disheartening and disappointing to me when I heard more about him. I am glad that I am of the hook and of the relationship, but somehow, the person he has become...I am reluctant to continue as I am having doubts myself with my source.All that is left in me for him is hope that he will be guided to the right path doing the right thing. I know many may argue on doing the right things as it is so subjective, but when it comes to keeping your conscience clean by not harming, playing fair and not manipulative to reach our goal, I guess we are on the right track. 

T.R.U.S.T and T.R.U.T.H

5 letters, simple word, yet hard to gain. 

I find it hard to trust. Because the trust I placed on certain people, the ones whom I think is the closest to me has been violated. The stories,information and so called the truth which I heard makes it harder for me to trust  again. And truth? Is there really the truth in everything. Everyone around me seems to be hiding something or there is a hidden agenda somewhere. Even me, myself is guilty of that. I understand that everyone has a baggage and personal secrets it is natural. However, when your actions betrayed you, your words contradicts and people look right through you,your secrets are exposed and  instantly the trust on you fades a little each time.

 How do I trust if I am not sure if you are telling the truth? How am I to trust in another when my private messages and complaints were shared with another person? How do i trust again when just a few moments ago I asked someone to not tell anyone but the next moment whatever I say was blurted out in front of me? However small the matter is, the trust is still violated and I am sorry to say I find it difficult to trust a certain people who were ones closest to me and I care most. To prevent damage to myself, I will be wiser when I choose what to share.

Trust will always be an issue deep down inside us, at the end of the day we got to trust our guts and instincts while the rest and ourselves try to prove we are trustworthy....