I watched new moon, I cried. I felt the pain, in the cinema. It just seem different and the memories of us did come back and haunt me again. I dislike this feeling because I feel weak and I want to fight for what I think is worth it. But my determination will never go beyond myself, as I am not the one at the winning end, I am not the decisions maker in this.I am pretty lost. The only way to remind me that whatever happen between us was real was the pain. Is this pain a blessing, yet for me to find out. But I know, like Bella, I felt as if it has punch through my heart and left a big hole, yet to be mend, will I have a Jacob to mend the hole? I wished there is someone, but right now I am having trust issues and I just feel like disappearing. I never really matter to anyone, until they needed help and suddenly I am not invisible to them anymore. He used to make me feel that I am important, but now, he seems to be like one of them, appear only when he needed someone. When I am in pain like right now, I cannot express because people would only call me idiotic and silly. I know if he is mine, he will come back to me. I know all the love true cliches, but it is painful,to have all the memories haunting me every night.I have never cry so much for a guy before and he is the first and now would probably be the last. Perhaps I will always fall in love with him. I am sure there is someone who sees him the way I see him. And I hope I gave my love to someone special, and that she loves him like I do. Letting go...taking baby steps all over again...
" I never thought it would take me so long to get over you, I guess you have really own my heart, will I ever get it back?"
No comments:
Post a Comment