conversation :
Me1 : It has been freaking 4 months, he should be put of your head.HE is having fun, having eveything else he have always wanted, just that it is not you. So stop wasting your tears for him.
Me 2 : yea, i know, but i cant help it, i want to blame someone or something that caused all this shit, believe me, it sucked to be so bitter and crying hurt my eyes. and now it is swollen. It is all my fault that he has to make that choice.I am just not good enough...I am still guilty after 4 freaking months. Blame it on my PMS and hormones. It sucks!!!!!!
Me 1: but you have done eveything you could, you have spoken to him, yell at him, tried to be friends and making him feel less guilty though it did not work, but isn't that enough? you have even put your pride down. What more can you do?
Me 2 :I am lost,I don't have a clue or an answer for the first time, in my life.Well, not that i always have an answer to everything but at least I knew something. This time i am lost. You know he has always been there for me everytime when i needed him, and I have always made him angry, testing his patience and so on, but he dealt with it. And sometimes i did it on purpose, to know if he would tell me how he felt. But he just kept quiet.I wish I knew the answer and I want to let go, but why is it so hard..so hard. Just when i thought he was the one and am all prepared to tell my parents about the relationship, he dumped me. And now he doesn't need me at all. I don't think I can save the relationship. But when does it still hurts so badly...it hurts so much. Now i understand why people commit suicide when they break up or cut their wrist and hurt themselves.Well, that is the easy way out. I am not going to do all that but to experience the pain every night. Just see how long can I take it and how much can I cry.
Me 1 : You are the most silly and stubborn girl! sadist and torturing yourself over a guy who doesn't want to give you any more chances though you have given him so many. You have been pushed so much into this relationship and just when you knew you are ready to accept everything and swallow you insecurity and doubt, he dumped you. He get all he want from you and he don't need you anymore and he end it. He made you felt in love and he throw you out when you are not needed, and you remain the same former state.Sigh!
Me 2 : Sigh! It was not only attraction, not only the physical romance, but it was the protection for each other and the understanding. We once had it but we lost it. I did not know it would take me so long to get over this, guessed I have overestimated my ability when it comes to attachment and love. Part of me has died, and I am mourning for it. Just a month more, a month more...
" My heart tell me to fight for you, and try harder, but my brain said, I should stop and believe that if he belongs to me he will come back, the trick is, which one should I follow?"
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